The Curious Case of the “Conservative Women” Pin-Up Calendar

Conserving Traditional Values, One Bikini Model at a Time

I’ve been slacking on this blog lately due to the dreaded obligations of Real Life, but as has happened before, witnessing a particular tiff on Twitter (now it’s X, I guess) got me thinking just enough to get started on a short post discussing the topic. The question is thusly posed: Is the below item #Conservative, or not?

No offense to Ms. Gaines, but if the idea is to sell conservatism with naked ladies, you’d think they’d put a bigger pair of knockers on the cover

This topic is fascinating to me because it’s a microcosm of the broader debate of libertarianism vs what I will, for the sake of convenience, term “actual conservatism.” A couple Tweets (or Xeets?) from the Pro-Calendar side:

https://x.com/ComradeDoyIe/status/1740090723557609490?s=20
https://x.com/ScottMGreer/status/1740085854188536181?s=20

I’ve followed both of these people enough to know that I probably agree, to a large extent, with 95+% of what they say. I don’t agree with them here, and looking at the replies, plenty of others don’t as well. I should also note that I am pretty sure neither of these people would consider themselves libertarians, although as far as I can tell, libertarians probably share these sorts of sentiments, and either think this calendar is “haha based” or just don’t see what the fuss is all about. I think Greer and Doyle are getting this one wrong, straight-up. It happens to the best of us.

First off, why is the calendar such a Very Bad Naughty Thing? Well, we can always recognize differences of degree. If you had this calendar hanging in your house I wouldn’t really judge you that much for it, just cringe a bit. Compared to what goes on these days, a pin-up calendar could be seen as refreshingly tame, if anything. And that’s what this calendar represents to me: the brand of “conservatism” which merely means “conserving” the previous gains of liberals, before liberals went and moved the Overton Window even further to the left.

There was a time, after all, before porn and OnlyFans and the like, in which pin-up calendars were closer to the limit of socially acceptable lewd content. This calendar seems to imply that, just as some people would say they were fine with the LGB before the T took over, it’s fine to put women on display as sex objects, so long as their bodies are barely covered rather than fully bared. In both cases, there is a naïve failure to understand that the philosophical underpinnings of the one led inevitably into the other.

This is the contradiction inherent in a product that markets women’s bodies as sexual objects for men to ogle and slaps the label “conservative” over the top of that. It’s the reason so many on the right are rightly offended by it. We can extrapolate that it is not “conservative” for men to shamelessly indulge their lust by imagining how this conversation might go in most other media which caters to that temptation.

John Doyle has a nearly two hour video on how bad porn is. Yet, if you take a naked “conservative” female and barely cover her naughty bits with thin pieces of American Flag-patterned fabric, apparently all that stuff goes out the window. How is that consistent? Of course, it isn’t. It is a difference in degree, not in kind. Just as two beers are not as bad for you as twenty, the “conservative” bikini calendar is not as bad for you as PornHub. But the fact that it’s not as bad doesn’t change its fundamental nature; two beers aren’t all of a sudden good for you just because they are fewer than twenty. They are simply less bad.

And in the case of the “conservative” women’s calendar, there is a special sin on top of the normal sin of lust, in the specific fact that this is being marketed as “conservative.” As bad as porn is, at least it doesn’t try to tell you that it actually represents sexual purity. It is what it is and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Blatant lying about the fundamental nature of a thing is usually the preserve of the left, i.e. claiming that men are women, racism (i.e. discrimination against whites) is actually anti-racism, etc. Obviously, we on the right should seek to avoid such doublethink in pretty much all cases.

I think looking at the comments of our two Xeeters in a bit more detail will further reinforce all of this. Doyle states first that “I like to look at beautiful things. Women, cars, scenery, architecture, etc.” This is an attempt at obfuscation by confusing the clear lascivious nature of a bikini calendar with non-sexual things such as “art” or “architecture.” If this conflation is truly accurate, what would be wrong with porn? Most pornography models have objectively beautiful bodies, after all. It is the context in which those bodies are presented which makes that particular imagery of them morally unacceptable.

One might protest with some sort of appeal to “artful” nudity or some such, and indeed, some of the calendar pictures do not feature skimpy clothes and are relatively harmless.

Perhaps the outfit is a bit short, but really, if every picture was like this one, I think there might not be a controversy. Ironic that someone labeled as a libertarian in her picture has one of the less provocative entries. Then we have these:

Conserving her modesty with foaming bath bubbles.

Just imagine how many libs those boobs are going to own.

So yeah, I feel like these make it pretty clear what is going on here, and it’s not some kind of high-class arthouse production. After all, as Doyle points out in another Xeet, this is made by a company called “Ultra Right Beer.” But that sort of just reinforces everything I’ve already been saying. Is drinking beer conservative either? Not really, no. Everyone understands that it’s a vice to be kept in check, not a virtue to brag about. Having a couple drinks is one thing, flaunting to the world how “conservative” you are because you are drinking alcohol is another. In the same way, all men are going to have lustful thoughts upon seeing beautiful women sometimes. But it is absurd to hang up images celebrating said lust and pretend that is somehow “conservative.”

Granted, the whole thing is silly enough that I don’t actually think many people would sit around whacking it to these pictures while telling themselves it’s okay because Riley Gaines is based (well, on second thought, libertarians do exist…). But that’s the sort of self-indulgent hypocrisy that this calendar represents. The notion is that we can have our tits and our beer and we don’t need to feel bad about it because we’re better than those darn libtards.

I kind of get the marketing, they want to appeal to the notion of a time in the past where men were allowed to more openly enjoy things like big tits and beer. But just because a certain mindset existed in the past doesn’t mean that it was inherently good or should be catered to now. The America of tits and beer is the one that led directly into the America of DEI and transgenderism, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

For instance, if you accept the premise that it’s fine to indulge in one’s lust by staring at big-boobed bikini models, how far is the jump from there to start looking at women entirely naked? And from naked pics to pornography videos? Why exactly would one be okay and not the other? There isn’t any clear limiting principle between these things, as they are all simply different degrees of lust fulfillment. And once you’re sat around watching PornHub on the regular, do you really have a leg to stand on when it comes to criticizing other sexually deviant behavior, such as homosexuality or transgenderism? If you do still have a leg there, it’s definitely a lot shorter at that point.

Doyle’s next statement is “I think the reason the calendar struck a nerve is because there are men who fear their own nature and don’t like that they cannot control it, and so a woman wearing a bikini is triggering for them.”

I am certainly capable of watching a pornography video without masturbating to it, and I would imagine many men are as well (though maybe not all, I guess). Does that mean pornography is okay now, so long as you can “control your own nature” while viewing it? Obviously not.

Moving on to Greer’s Xeet, he starts off by saying “The outrage over the tacky conservative dad calendar proves that the chief enemy for some conservative women is male sexuality. There is a reason why so many of them marry closet cases.”

This statement attempts to turn the issue into one of women policing men’s sexuality, and I can certainly understand where that thought comes from, as sex-negative feminism is one trend that this calendar is likely reacting to. But the reality is that male sexuality does need to be policed and kept in check. Male sexual lust, left unchecked, is quite plainly and obviously destructive. The smallest glance at the gay and transgender “communities” shows us that, and these conservative commentators would undoubtedly agree with it in a more general sense.

Greer then minimizes the issue with “Guys have been buying calendars like that for generations. It's not the worst thing in the world.”

This returns to what I’ve said above about differences of degree, and about the brand of “conservatism” which is simply nostalgia for the liberalism of the past. In one sense Greer is of course correct. It’s not like I’d be willing to end any friendships over this stupid calendar. I think people fixate on things like this because it gives us a more concrete focal point over which to debate a genuine underlying values difference (i.e. lust-positive vs lust-negative, roughly analogous to the more common terms “sex-positive” and “sex-negative”).

As I explained previously, if “conservatism” just means liberalism but less of it, more subdued and less extreme, then obviously it’s a pretty useless “ideology.” If we take the premise that men should indulge in their lust, what is going to be more appealing to them? All of the endless hardcore pornography that is allowed, if not tacitly endorsed by leftism? Or Riley Gaines in a bikini? Again, no offense to Ms. Gaines, but most guys looking to get their jollies off will probably side with PornHub in that contest. It obviously won’t work to try and fight liberalism with limp-wristed watered-down liberalism, but with an American flag over it.

Of course, all of this takes for granted that being conservative means viewing lust as a sin to be held in check, not as something to be shamelessly exploited and enjoyed. That goes back to the debate between libertarianism and “real conservatism,” and that would probably be at least another post by itself, if not multiple. And that’s why this calendar debate, as petty as it is on the surface, is actually rather important in some ways; it’s a fight over what the term conservative itself (and by extension, being on the right in general) means.

Does it mean “just let people enjoy things,” or does it mean having some semblance of genuine morality? In order for it to mean the latter, it must be guarded against people trying to say that it means the former. A simple pin-up calendar may seem harmless enough, but if conservatives decide that they like looking at women in bikinis so long as the women are based, what will be the next step from there? How long until “conservative” Instagram models are selling images of themselves nude with a MAGA hat on? This is exactly the sort of incrementalism by which liberal values wormed their way into the roots of our society, slowly but surely, taking one inch after another so long as people continued to accept their core premises about human nature.

A footnote to add here is that I don’t think there will actually be a wave of MAGA-themed OnlyFans models, that this calendar is an amusing one-off, and that there is not actually much of a real audience for it. That’s specifically because virtue-signaling about how based and trad you are clashes with showcasing nearly-naked women on a fundamental level. I’d be interested to know if any of the people defending this thing on Twitter have actually bought it and hung it up in their house, I’m guessing few if any have. But still, all the surrounding questions that it raises merit consideration.

Second footnote, I just now realized that the calendar actually labels itself as “conservative dad’s” real women of America calendar. That adds another layer of weirdness to the whole thing. If I try to imagine who would actually buy this thing unironically, and not as some kind of meme or gag gift, I picture a young, single, too-online male who spends all day posting anonymously on Xitter or wherever, fully caught up in Owning the Libs. Is this seriously something that married men with children would buy and put up and be proud of? I have a hard time imagining that. Maybe the entire marketing scheme is counting on people to just buy it as a joke, in which case, fair enough I suppose.